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Post by Dillasandra on Mar 4, 2009 13:41:02 GMT -5
Came home from the library the other day with a new ( to me ) Charles DeLint book. One of the few authors that both Steph and I agreed on. We were both behind two or three books, since he's a Canadian author and rather hard to find. Both figured we had plenty of time, though. Yeah. Anyway, judging from what I've read of 'Widdershins' thus far, she'd have loved it.......................
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Post by Dillasandra on Mar 9, 2009 13:26:43 GMT -5
My 50th birthday today. Which reminds me that it would have been Steph's 40th last October, and I'd fully intended to terrorize the hell out of her about it!
Likewise, I know she fully intended to return the favor today. Not that it's been a bad day at all.....woke up to a nice card ( Ooooooh! Chewtoy! ;D ) and greeting from Ivy, and I'm pretty sure Rick has something planned at work today.
Just, had me thinking and wondering what she might have had planned.......................
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Post by Dillasandra on Mar 10, 2009 13:36:59 GMT -5
Got an intresting PM today, from someone I didn't recognize and who'll remain nameless here. Apparently, they read that last post, didn't like it, and blatantly told me it was time to, and I quote, "Give it a rest already!" Pissed me off pretty good, since the way I see it, it's nobody's business but mine, and if it bothers you, why read it in the first place?!!?
Got to thinking about it and wondered if there weren't a few other people who wondered the same. Wondering why I still post here, I mean.
And no, I'm not trying to justify here, I don't need to......we all mourn in our own way and our own time. Just sayin'.................
Yeah, I do post here, and will until Trevor sees fit to take it down. Won't be up forever, nor would I expect it to! But while it is...............
Steph was a dear friend and I loved her and I miss her and not a day goes by that I don't think of her - a dozen times. This is not unusual for me........friends I've lost, human and animal ( I don't differentiate much between the two ) years, decades ago, still live on in my mind. Example - I lost my beloved Danny going on 32 YEARS ago, but not a day has passed in all those years that he doesn't come to mind! Steph's been gone, what? 7 MONTHS? That's no time at all.
It was a hell of a blow for me, her death, and though I'm not the kind to go on about it at length, I'm still adjusting, and will be for some time. These little bits and pieces up here make it easier.....bit of an outlet, I suppose. Better than bottling it up and then bawling my eyes out by a damnsite!
I don't expect answers to my postings.....I don't suppose much of anyone even reads them any more. And that's fine. None of you were anywhere near as close to her as she and I were to one another, it's to be expected. It's life.
None-the-less....she was my dear friend, far from perfect....gods know we drove each other completely crazy sometimes, we were really two very different people!.....as am I , as are we all. And I miss her terribly, daily, and will for I can't even begin to guess how long. ( Keep in mind, Danny, 32 years! ) This thread helps, so I use it. I mean, come on, aren't there loved ones from YOUR past that you still miss??! If there aren't, let me tell you, you've been damned lucky so far. Or lonely, one of the two!
As I said in the beginning, I don't even know if there is anyone else questioning why I do this....I'd just gotten to thinking. If there is, if for some reason it bothers you, I'd have to say to you, like I said to them, just don't bother to read it. Plain and simple. Because, I warn you, this is something intensely personal with me, I'm not about to apologize, and it's going to be a long while....................it's really none of your business, this IS a public board, get used to it or let it go!
'Nuff said!
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Post by Sir Trevor on Mar 10, 2009 18:38:57 GMT -5
Yeah, I do post here, and will until Trevor sees fit to take it down. Won't be up forever, nor would I expect it to! But while it is............... Well, I don't know how long it will actually be up. But I know for a fact it will be up at least until this years season is over. There is no doubt about that. Steph was a good friend to many of us here, and a fun aquaintance to a whole lot more. I see no reason to hide her passing, or the hole it has left in a lot of people. And yes, people do mourn in different ways and different times. And I see no reason to rush anyone to put this behind them. And for what it's worth, I am still kicking around the idea of a separate forum to remember those faire folks who are no longer with us. I know Steph isn't the only one, but I'll be damned if I can remember any others at this exact moment. (though I do remember the lady with the little horses, even if I don't recollect her actual name) But I am waiting for a time when I can actually do it right. With a nice theme and some appropriate graphics and such.
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Post by Hephzibah on Mar 10, 2009 20:44:46 GMT -5
Dill I to am like you. The people who we loved and seemed to lose never really leave us. And I for one do read your posts about Steph and enjoy them. With you there Dill.
And Trevor the lady's name with the little horses was Carol.
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Post by bunbun / Hank on Mar 10, 2009 21:40:11 GMT -5
Dill. If you find some sort of comfort in doing what you're doing....well, keep doing it. We have probably all lost someone we have cared about over the years, and we think about them on occasion. You just put your thoughts into words.
And for anyone with a problem with that...Well, just don't bother reading them. There are threads on this board I never/rarely ever go to. Why? Because they hold no interest for me. So why even bother?
No one reads every book, watches every TV show, see's every movie. Why? Because somethings just don't interest you. So, if you have no interest in listening to Dill commemorate her friend, then just avoid that thread.
HANK.
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Post by Hephzibah on Mar 10, 2009 21:58:27 GMT -5
HUZZAH Hank
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Post by Dillasandra on Mar 11, 2009 13:17:56 GMT -5
Thank you, guys.....appreciate the support!
Trevor, I love the idea of a memorial forum. We've pretty much tabled the memorial garden work for the winter, but once we're up and running again and start compiling our list of names, I'm sure you'd be welcome to it for the forum. I know there are a lot more than you'd think.........remember Jeanette Jones, former cast and permanant fixture, who died of lung cancer last year? She's the one who gave me my umbrella. Or the lovely woman who did face painting for so many years? Don't even know her name, though I'm sure someone will remember. So many, once you get started remembering..................
Also, if I may make a suggestion.........take Steph's thread down on August 14th. That's after Faire, so any late commers ( and I know a lot more people read the board around Faire ) will have time to add what they want, and it's the traditional 'year and a day' from her death. She'd love the symbolisim, I know. And until then, my critic......and you know who you are.........I will continue to post here, continue to remember my friend, continue to share those thoughts and memories. It does help comfort me, and it's my personal way of expressing myself. So...............
As everyone so aptly pointed out - IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, DON'T BLOODY READ IT!!!!!!!!
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Mickey
Lord
Cogito ergo sum/Carpe diem!
Posts: 516
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Post by Mickey on Mar 12, 2009 0:15:33 GMT -5
Dill, I just wanted to add my 2 pence in also. As you said, you're not apologizing, but to anyone with 'two brain cells to rub together', you shouldn't even have to explain why you're posting here.
I didn't even know Stephanie very well. Of course, seeing her in the pickle grove, and occassionally talking to her, but I've felt horrible about her being gone from all of us. You're not the only one, I'm sure, who can and does get comfort from this thread. It seems like many others, like me, come in to read what you and other Faire Friends have to say.
As you said, if it bothers someone, why would you even come in here!?! Some people can't or won't reach outside themselves. They're walled up within themselves and closed off. Some people can't or won't feel and/or show empathy and/or sympathy for another soul. I have gotten comfort from coming here and reading your postings, just so you know. Not just for myself, but I've hoped that you writing here has helped you, and if it has, that makes me feel better, too! (I hope that makes sense to you!!)
I'm sure that message hurt and it seems to have made you wonder and doubt. Don't!! What you're doing is perfectly natural, and helpful to you and others. I feel sorry for someone that thinks and feels the way the person that pm'd you does! I'm hoping that they, too, will be able to be helped from what you told them!!
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Allyn
Mercenary
Posts: 232
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Post by Allyn on Mar 12, 2009 1:31:39 GMT -5
Dill, Hello! Even though I haven't posted in awhile...I come to the board almost every day, if nothing else just to check on everyone. I have enjoyed your postings about your thoughts and feelings about Steph. It seems lately, I too have been thinking about/remembering/ missing some of my friends and family members who are no longer here. (Could be due to the fact that I was looking for some pictures recently, and went through several boxes of them). Your postings regarding Steph, only show the love and friendship you have for her. Allyn
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sue
Mercenary
Posts: 291
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Post by sue on Mar 12, 2009 8:52:18 GMT -5
ill, I'm sorry that someone was as callous as the person who pm'd you was. When I read what you've written for Steph it comforts me to know that people care for one another the way you did for Steph and it alsohelps me remember not just Stephannie but others I have lost and feel the same way about. Like you it takes me a very long to work through the grieving process. As I have said I did not really know Steph but I can still picture her sitting at Owain's show last year and singing along with him her face shining in the sun and so obviously loving the sounds she heard. I felt like I had a kindred spirit in her in that moment. Keep posting and I for one will keep reading and remembering with you. Love, Sue
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Post by Dillasandra on Mar 12, 2009 12:33:59 GMT -5
Thank you, everyone, and not to worry.....I've no intention of giving up posting here! If nothing else, I'm just way too bullheaded not to! As in fact Steph would have told you! ;D
Likewise, I'm very glad to know that so many people read this and think of her often. Makes me feel a lot less alone. I do miss her..................
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Post by Dillasandra on Mar 12, 2009 13:23:38 GMT -5
Thinking about it, let me rephrase that 'alone' comment. Didn't mean to imply that I don't have other friends, I do....and damned fine ones at that. Just meant less alone in this.
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Post by Britny Ylisaari on Mar 12, 2009 17:27:27 GMT -5
I'm with everyone else here.
I don't read this thread all the time, but I check it about once a week or so. I love reading your posts about Steph. I think it's nice that you share your thoughts. I didn't know her all too well, but it helps me remember her as I did know her. And clearly I'm not the only one that appreciates your posts.
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Post by Dillasandra on Mar 13, 2009 12:27:19 GMT -5
Once again, thanks. I'm tickled to know how many people remember her fondly. Some fine day, when it doesn't bring me to tears thinking about it, I'm going to start digging out some of the truly funny stories of some of the weird little 'adventures' we had. Gods know there were enough of them! ;D ;D ;D
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